At the end of 1995’s French Kiss, Meg Ryan’s character Kate boards a US-bound plane in France, closes her eyes, and takes a deep breathe to help overcome her flying neurosis and return home. Luc Teyssier (played by Kevin Kline) assumes the seat next to her, having had zipped through security in a pre-9-11 world – and coolly whispers in an accent laced with sexy: ‘I’m thinking you should not be flying anywhere…in fact, I am sure of it.’ Skip to the next scene where they are frolicking about in France’s country-side, living (presumably) happily ever after as the end-credits roll and it seems that transplanting your life in foreign soil is as easy as pie– as long as its for love.
Having had met my own Punjabi Luc Teyssier and marrying him this past summer, I – like Kate – followed the little pitter-patters of my own love-struck heart all the way across the Atlantic pond and built a new abode amidst the backdrop of Dubai’s SimCity paradise. I was pretty sure my own nomadic upbringing as well as my childhood visits to Dubai would insulate me during the adjustment phase– and of course, I had the adage ‘Love conquers all’ on my side. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before the realities of moving for love hit me as hard as Dubai’s unyielding humidity, and I realized – as most newly weds soon do – that happily ever after takes a lot of work, especially in a new city!
I know there are ample blogs and articles out there that can better familiarize you with all the methodical steps you need to take into consideration when relocating and joining the transient expat community. Similarly, many sites offer a list of hardships one should prepare for when relocating for a significant other, but I believe each experience is unique. For instance, what may be hard for me (i.e: it really sucks that I always get my American Idol news at least one day late) may not be hard for you, and vice versa. Rather than focusing on the challenges of moving for love which, on a personal level, vary in magnitude from missing friends and family to missing my favorite noodle house in DC – I want to highlight how, in addition to giving you a lifetime of leverage over your spouse (“remember when I left all my friends and family for you?”), following your heart to a new country can actually offer the opportunity to fortify your relationship bond.
Many of our parents made the decision to uproot from South Asia to the US – most of them multi-tasking building a marriage with building a life in America. This undertaking of establishing ‘homes’ in a foreign backdrop, far from all things familiar, is something many of us under appreciate. It wasn’t until my own move to Dubai that I developed a newfound respect for my own mother, who joined my father in the US back in 1981 – moving soon after their nuptials, not so much for love, but rather out of marital obligation. I watched her repeat this relocation as we whizzed back and forth across Africa and Asia, following my father on his assignments. Despite not having the resources I have come to rely so heavily on during my own induction to Dubai and matrimony (Lonely Planet to navigate the Souks; Internet to locate fine dining options and restaurants; Gchat to connect with friends; Skype to make international phone calls; and uTorrent to download American Idol) – my parents handled each move with optimism, grace and an eagerness to immerse my sisters and I into the language and culture of our host countries.
Their navigation of foreign surroundings not only helped them to orient themselves in new landscapes but also affirmed their faith in their budding partnership. They went from being an arranged unit brought together through parental maneuvering to a loving unit that sought out the growing familiarity of each other in unfamiliar backdrops. Moving taught my parents how to communicate better and allowed them to identify that fine balance of functioning inter-dependency without being overbearing – and soon after I saw my mother follow my father, not out of obligation – but out of love.
It is through their example, that I realize the details of getting used to Dubai will settle into place one by one with a little bit (okay, a lot) of effort and patience. But more importantly, I know that rather than focusing on all the newness and uncertainties, I have the chance to inject new levels of amazing in my marriage. If I had stayed in DC, I would have relied on my familiar surroundings and friends as an outlet and a distraction. Sure, marriage would have been a change – but not on this magnitude. Being away from the familiar, gives you a heightened sense of all the changes in your life. In Dubai, my outlet and best friend is my husband and he is there as I take on one of the biggest milestones of my life: Marriage. I confide directly in him through the good and bad of it– because the other people I may have confided in otherwise happen to be in different time zones. Necessity as we take on this alien terrain of Dubai and marriage has made us both more open and receptive. We’ve learned to be more patient and honest with each other in lieu of not having another immediate support system to fall back on. He’s my co-pilot as I take in all these new experiences and I know I appreciate him more because I have come to rely on him faster and more frequently in Dubai.
During the quiet moments when we both occupy a room, there is a sense of calm that takes over me as I watch him unassumingly going about his own business. I find his presence alone to be distinctly reassuring. If we hadn’t moved, I know that marriage would have been the biggest change I immediately faced – but in Dubai – he’s my only constant. My move for love was the catalyst to make my love stronger – because when things are unfamiliar, you cling to what is familiar – and in this case – that’s my husband and my best friend; my very own Punjabi Luc Teyssier; and my very own happily ever after: roll the credits.
— Rehana Raza Azim
Rehana is based in Dubai and is a guest writer for NEEM Magazine.
