But luckily, I did get divorced, and soon discovered something crazy about myself: I wasn’t perfect! This rude awakening could only mean one thing: find out whose fault it is that I’m not perfect. Because I know it’s not mine!

As a British born Pakistani Muslim, now living in America, I already have enough questions about my identity and future. And it doesn’t help that Hollywood and Bollywood have spent decades romanticizing the whole, “Singing in the Rain” concept. Thanks to them, I was quite sure my future involved me singing and dancing in the rain, while wearing a

white sari, joined by the love of my life, who would later have to fight some f’ugly looking bad guys to defend my honor. Sadly, I would eventually have to die in child birth after his mother had finally come around to accepting me for who I was: A Pakistani-British-American-Delusional-Muslim! (Not necessarily in that order!)

So it’s the media’s fault as usual!

Cue Real Life:  At the ripe old age of 29, I was a newly divorced, single-mother, eagerly awaiting the end of my agonizing twenties. There was never a singing in the rain moment for me, and that’s one of many reasons I’m now completely turned-off of all Indian movies.

In this new chapter of my life, I found myself asking that famed Eliza Doolittle question again: “What’s to become of me?” I’m sure my parent’s and extended family were wondering the same thing. As a Pakistani-Muslim female, I may as well start digging my own grave, because as one uncle so tenderly put it, “Why are you going to leave him now, you have a child. No one’s going to marry you if you have a child. And anyway, men want virgins. And you have a child. Remember!”

So apparently, the moment I got divorced, I was supposed to be thinking about the likelihood of getting remarried. WITH A CHILD, REMEMBER!

OMG! What is wrong with our people? Can’t a girl just end a marriage without being harassed about the prospect of never getting married again? Note my use of the word prospect. What some see as “doomed,” (never getting married again) I see as an “opportunity” to live a free and happy life, never having to worry about getting pregnant again! (Oh no! You’re not even over the V-word yet, and here I go with the P-word)! To my non-Desi readers, any words that can be associated with “marital relations” should be strictly reserved for doctor’s visits. Female doctor’s visits that is!

So back to the nagging question: “What’s to become of me?”

Will a “misogynistic and snobby phonetics professor” take me in and teach me how to be a proper lady; a lady that doesn’t go around using vulgar words such as virgin and pregnant. Oh, wooouldn’t it be love-er-ly? Professor Higgins wouldn’t mind the fact that I HAVE A CHILD! Especially since I’d waited until after I was married to conceive it! (You know what I’m getting at!)

To be honest, I didn’t allow myself very much time to ponder that question. Two months after I’d filed for divorce, I enrolled full-time with the University of Phoenix. Hamzah was only three years old, and I was still committed to being a stay at home mother. (Again, note my use of the word committed, another double meaning!) I resisted the urge to put Hamzah in preschool, and abandoned any dreams of having a social life by pursuing a degree online. Playing with Hamzah by day, and studying by night.

Some people were worried that the heavy load I’d taken upon myself was going to send me into an early grave. (One which I was supposed to be digging anyway)! However, I noticed that the less time I had for wondering “what was to become of me” or whether or not I’d get proposals again, the better off I was. It made me mentally and emotionally stronger too. It was also better for Hamzah to see I was capable of being more than just a domestic diva! Having a busy schedule and a child didn’t allow for a nervous breakdown either.

I also knew that a degree would provide me with something tangible. Something that I could say I’d accomplished, and worked hard for. Also, a degree puts you in a position to say, “I have a degree, I don’t need a man!” Although, I won’t feel completely secure until I can say, “I have a job, I don’t need man!” Because it’s the security of having your own money that makes man an unnecessary appendage! (No, I’m not a feminist man-hater. I just think and write like one sometimes)!

What I have learned over the past five years of obsessing over me, myself & I, is that it doesn’t matter what your pre or post divorce mental state is. What matters is whether or not you can live with yourself after the diagnosis.

My advice to fellow divorcees:  Be prepared to be enlightened. Oh, and next time it rains, wear black!

— Rabiya Khan, Guest Columnist for NEEM Magazine

Executive Director Myna Mukherjee echoed Fashion Conscience 09′s mission as one that seeks to create social change to improve gender equality through fashion and art. The fashion designers who presented at the event were symbolic of that mission, with the clothing representing not only a diverse ethnic palette, but issues of violence, HIV/AIDS and gender identity issues as reflected by women. Each fashion exhibit was introduced by visually stunning performances, inspired by Sufi, Christian, Buddhist and Tantric traditions of South Asia.

The designers and personalities present at the show were:

· Manish Arora: named one of the top 10 designers at Paris Fashion Week 2009. Arora’s line will pay tribute to the spirit and resilience of AIDS victims. He is known for his psychedelic visuals and kitsch motifs in garments that combine traditional Indian designs with Western silhouettes. Arora is also known to break the Western barrier, having been invited to collaborate with Reebok and MAC to produce his line. An alumnus of the National Institute of Fashion Technology in New Delhi, Arora started his promising label in 1997.

· Zolaykha Sherzad: One of the most fascinating and riveting designers at Fashion Conscience 09, Sherzad is a native of war-torn Afghanistan and proved brilliant in her fashion exhibition. Recently profiled in Time Magazine, Sherzad is focused on promoting Afghanistan and its rich heritage through fashion and art. Her line is inspired by the Sufi tradition and its prayers, symbolizing hope for women who have survived displacement and violence. Her story is remarkable in itself. An architect trained at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City, she fled Afghanistan in 1978. She returned 24 years later after the fall of the Taliban, only to focus her efforts on training the suppressed women of her country to design, sow and make patterns. She then launched Zarif, which means precious in the local language Dari. Merely a year later in 2005, she had her first fashion show. It was the first fashion show Afghanistan had witnessed in 30 years.

· Asher Jay: Making her fashion debut, Jay presented “Intromission,” a line she serialized through four series: Filling, Form, Function and Freedom. A Parsons designer who has worked with reputed fashion names such as Anna Sui, Anne Klein, and Ralph Lauren, her aesthetic is reminiscent of Eastern influences, including inspiration from the Indo-Tibetan goddes Kurukulla, who symbolizes the transformation of dualistic desire into non-dualistic desire.

· Amrita Singh: Contemporary and accessorized, Singh is one of New York’s leading South Asian designer who will showcase exquisite, sleek jewelry for the empowered woman. A graduate of the Fashion Institute of Technology and the prestigious executive training program at Bergdorf Goodman, Singh has worked with world-renowned designers such as Oscar de la Renta and Christian Lacroix. Evidencing her meteoric rise, she has been nominated by Fashion Group International for the Rising Star Award from 2006 to 2008.

New York celebrities and personalities from the South Asian Diaspora attending Fashion Conscience 09 included Mira Nair and Manu Narayan of Bombay Dreams, with Narayan also taking part in the fashion show. Performances by classical and modern dancers of the acclaimed New York-based Nayikas.

** For more information on Engendered please visit: www.engendered.org/**

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